Death on a stick

Feeling something is one thing, but putting it into words is yet another.  And it used to be the easiest thing in the world for me to do, putting words to just about anything I was feeling.  So what's changed?

Everything.

It's not easy to describe in real terms what "death on a stick" feels like, and most of the time people, myself as well (in the past) use that silly phrase as a loose exaggeration for basically feeling under the weather.  Everyone feels like crap on occasion.  Shit happens.  These days, to use that phrase just feels, well, stupid.  If there were ever an understatement, then I would have to say "I feel like shit" is probably the great grandfather of all understatements.  At least for me.

So when will I know what's wrong?

I guess I should just print out another copy of my lab results so I can remind myself how 'normal' I am.  I mean, if we're all just a set of numbers in our blood, then wow.. I should feel like a million bucks, right?  At least almost a million bucks.  As thyroid hormones go, my Free T4 is .10 of a point away from out of the normal range (low).  Sooooo, am I to think I'm supposed to feel energetic and in the prime of my life, maybe even like Wonder Woman until that value dips that .10 and then ***WHAM!!!*** I instantly feel like 'death on a stick'?  Does it really work like that?  Is that why doctors simply just wait it out until something literally falls out of range?

But then, what about those doctors who DO see values out of range and still state.. "These numbers aren't bad enough to cause your symptoms."  I've heard that before with regards to when I had macrocytic anemia.  Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Damn.

That's just a drop in the bucket, and I'm not going to go into everything in detail.  No point.  I long for the day, however, when I feel good.  I'm waiting patiently for that.  Okay, so not so patiently.  But I'm biding my time as best as I can and doing what I can in the meantime.  Not easy, mind you, when the legs are shaky just when standing, arms are shaking for no reason, everything is so weak.  Unsure where all the weakness is coming from, and that's the worst part.

FNA results aren't back yet, but I do completely expect that to be just fine.  Whether or not the nodule is creating havoc with my thyroid, I'm not sure.  My doctor doesn't seem to think so, but there are so many people out there who've been told the same thing but experience the exact same symptoms.  So who's right?

Pelvic ultrasound results ... honestly not sure when I'll get those, and they'll most likely go to Dr. L instead of Dr. E, which means she will most likely NOT call me with results and make me wait another week until I have my appt.

Perhaps neither of the above tests will yield any answers as to why I feel like I do.  But at least they will be two things I can scratch off the list.

In the meantime I will snuggle under my blanket to fight the cold, take tylenol for the aches, and ignore the sometimes sharp pains that jab their way through my lower right pelvis.  What else is there?  Oh yeah, looking forward to The Walking Dead on Sundays, and American Horror Story on Wednesdays.  :D

BOO!

It's almost Halloween!