This is what happens when someone has poor quality sleep for as long as I have (outspoken), as well as poor quality in a few other areas of life. We'll get to that second part in short order.
Reciprocity. What does it mean, really? Let's start with that, just to be clear and so we know we're absolutely certain we're on the same page with this. Because, I assure you, it's important.
1 : the quality or state of being reciprocal (shared, felt, or shown by both sides) : mutual dependence, action, or influence
Or.
2 : a mutual exchange of privileges; specifically : a recognition by one of two countries or institutions (or people!) of the validity of licenses or privileges granted by the other.
So. Understanding the definition of a word is a helluva lot simpler than understanding what makes men and women tick. Or not. What's even more complicated is when men delude themselves into thinking they have is all figured out, when they're actually floating around aimlessly in outer space without a single clue as to what--makes--us [women]--tick. Yeah. Frustrating. But we love you for it anyway, regardless.
Now for the shit-getting-real part. You ready?...?
Partnered sex. Everyone thinks they know what that is, right? You do. I do. We all do. But when was the last time you actually gave it any thought, and I mean actually, seriously thought about what it actually means? Because, honestly, most I've asked, aside from describing the 'act' of intercourse, actually described anything that has to do with actually 'partnered' anything. But the thing is, just because the same 'stuff' is involved, and that said 'stuff' is involved at the same time...or even at different times.. doesn't mean the experiences of both people are the same.
Here's the tricky part about reciprocity: What your partner did for you that YOU wanted may not be what THEY want done for them.. exactly. Assumptions can ruin a great sexual experience, and far more times than not guys assume this very thing. Reciprocating... you've done this for me, and I will do that for you--doesn't always work. In sex, most of the time you're looking for that outcome, the orgasm. What I'm saying here is... it may not always be the same for her as it is for you, that need.
Now for the worst case scenario, the truly real shit. Ready?...?
Assuming your engaged in partnered sex when you're actually using your partner as a masterbation tool. Earnestly partnered sex, meaning sex that is based on shared, mutual pleasure, is far different than one person using another person's body to masterbate to. Oh yes, it most certainly happens, and not just with oral sex.
If you're in a situation where someone is engaging in a sexual activity with you, despite if it turns you on, if you dislike it, if it doesn't feel good to you, etc... and you're pressured into feeling obligated to do it... it's not partnered sex. You're being used as a masturbation tool. In healthy relationships one person or the other may not always feel like doing A or B. It happens. No big deal. You wait, do something else, or simply just put it off until you both feel up to it. Sex is never a fully pleasant experience if you're overly tired, sick, distracted, etc., and if your partner cares about you as a whole person their libido won't override their humanity.
Not to say the person who is under the weather won't feel up to helping their partner "feel better," but that is something couples work out amongst themselves, hopefully in a loving, respectful, and caring manner.
Look, I'm not an expert. I'm just someone sorting through my own crap and sharing my thoughts, as well as a bit I learned in my college psych classes, etc. And this is all forefront in my mind right now because I'm having to make some seriously messed up decisions with regards to my life. As we all know.. life is too freaking short to waste it away living a way that falls short of anything beautiful and amazing. So I have a LOT of decisions to make.
As my laptop battery reaches 9% I'm going to say this: Not all things can be fixed. Some things in a relationship have to be supplemented, especially when the person who needs to fix the problem proclaims emphatically that they don't intend on fixing that problem. To state the problem, well, I would have to set my blog settings to 'adult,' and I'm not sure I'm willing to go 'there' just yet.
Told you this shit was getting real.
It's just me being me, wide open, raw, no walls or fences or protection. Here it is. Anything I'm holding back is due to my not fully understanding what I can and can't say here based on TOS rules.
My other blogs will be updated---most likely daily---and they won't be copied and pasted from one to the next. I have a lot to get off my chest. Apparently.
