My Inner Child is a Bitch

Okay, so having a sense of humor about things is good, always.  But there comes a time when you step right into battle with yourself, all the while wondering how the actual hell can this be?  And there's just nothing funny about that after a while.  In fact, it's down-right depressing.

And yet the irony prevails, sidling up to me with an elbow jab as if to say.. "I told you so!"

Screw it.  I mean, I sit and watch people on FB posting meme after meme after meme laden with self-pity about their having a "chronic condition," and all but one one my friends list who lay claim to their conditions are talking about fibromyalgia, the new designer "disorder" that every tired, achy woman seems to have now.  And while I have my moments where I get completely fed up to my eyeballs with the chronic pain, etc., etc. I deal with every moment of every day, my unloading isn't quite on the public level--at least not the kind of public level that begs for others who ask what's wrong, offer prayers, or cheerfully-canned platitudes.  Screw that too.

Here, in my blog, I can completely unload and not have to worry about what comes along post-post.  I have no desire for my 'woes' (for lack of a better term) to be announced to the entirety of my FB friends list.  Why would I?  Why would anyone?  I may never know the answer to that question, and I'm not sure I WANT to know the answer.

I don't care that they post the "nobody understands my pain" style memes, but... it would be far less annoying if they would use their own words, write something real, rather than use a little picture to express where they are in their lives.  I've seen so many of those memes that I barely notice them anymore... unless they're of the humorous variety!  You post one of those smart-assy memes, and I will read your list of complaints like nobody's business. ;)  Honestly, it's not that I don't know where they're coming from, but rather that it's not really THEM when they post little pictures with what they think contain 'deep meaning.'

Maybe my inner child is just a bitch.  lol  Well, given the fact that when people actually talk, really talk about what's bugging them.. at times I'm moved to tears.  Because, yeah... I really do get where they're coming from.  And if giving a shit makes me a bitch--then I'll wear that hat like a boss!  It's sure as hell more humane than offering fake platitudes (as many do), using canned answers, and not feeling a damn thing for that person.

So about that sense of humor....

I've had to lean on that lately quite a bit, using everything I am to see something humorous in what's going on with my life.  I'm not always successful, but even when I'm not it tends to take the edge off things for a bit.  I'll take it!

And I know when it's not a good idea to take that road of expression.

But I'm finding myself nearly every day leaning on laughing, and not because it's "the best medicine," but because it's the best distraction.  If I can fix it, I can always look the other way and pretend it's not there.  But.. doing so doesn't mean I don't know that bitch isn't breathing down my neck.

It's okay.  I'm fully aware that trying to have an argument with yourself, even inwardly, isn't exactly helpful when trying to solve a problem.  But who cares?  If I'm in that humorous mood and no one likes it---well, that's something they'll have to deal with, because "I" am going to do whatever it takes to survive.

;)