Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Low-carb weirdness, or is my subconscious mindf*cking me?

Day 3 on Atkins and am having a little of the carb withdrawal.  Could be worse, but thankfully I'm not withdrawing from grains/wheat, processed food, caffein, sugar, etc.  Still, I know this feeling well and it should pass.  Still, WTF is going on with all this other bizzwax?

That low-carb lull isn't surprising, but this craziness with my dreams at night are really getting on my nerves now.  It's not like I haven't brought this up before, and I'm not sure I want to go into the details about who and what is in my dreams or why.  Hell, some of it is hella fun!  Like the drag racing in last night's dream!  THAT was awesome! lol  But, this common theme is really unsettling, to say the least.  Some of it I get.  I really, really get.  And I know my subconscious is telling me to get a freaking life.  No, not telling me, but demanding I get a freaking life.  It's beyond obvious.

I am out-of-my-mind restless now.  Something's going to give.  Correction, something IS giving.  Question is, WTH am I going to do about it?

Simple answer... get a freaking life!

Oh if I only had the cojones to just spell it out here in great bloody detail.  But I don't.  Not right now.  Not even sure I get what it's all about or what I'm going to do about it, to tell you the truth.  But those damn dreams....

Why do I have the dreams I have?  Why are the people in them IN them?  I don't understand.  I wake up and can't make any sense of it all, and yes... the dreams are profound enough that they do follow me about the rest of the day.  And there are times the dreams haunt me for a few days.  Maybe it's because I don't get why some people are in them and why some are not, or why things happen in them or why I don't understand MY role in them.

Blah.  Blah.  Blah.

I could talk to a girlfriend about this, but it's just not that easy, especially when everyone is out of state or hours away.  A phone call often just doesn't cut it.  And when you hang up the phone...you still feel isolated.  Neighbors here are either WAY too old or WAY too young, and the one or two my age I've met just want to get drunk or party etc.  Not my thing.  And I've not gotten out much recently because of the health issues.  So that's changing, but it's taking time to undo the damage from the medications.  One step at a time.

But those dang dreams.  And this dang feeling of needing a road trip.  Not just a road trip but one just for me, to reset everything and find my muse again.  Me, my car, my camera, good tunes, a destination...

Life.

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