When the dreams come...and the fireflies are back..

Wrapped in the velvet of night, they dance and glow despite the shortness of their lives.  They aren't burdened by the thought that their lights will flicker and fade far too soon-- they simply continue to dance.. and shine their lights until the end of their lives.

Transitioning off Topamax has been easier than expected, and it's been an interesting ride thus far.  My sleep has changed again, though not in the respect of pain affecting my sleep in adverse ways.  Still, the dreams....

They're wild, to put it mildly, and perhaps telling if one looked into them too closely...which I tend to do.  I believe, as I was taught in college Psych classes, that dreaming is the mind..actually the subconscious, not the mind.. working out issues or problems, etc.  So when I dream of being in a building filled with rooms and doors and windows...supposedly...it represents me.  Or to put it more specifically.. it represents my 'self.'  I was taught that, in dreams, a house represents the dreamer.  But it doesn't have to be an actual "house."  It can be any structure/building.

This dream, which I had several nights ago, stuck with me because there's a lot, after scrutinizing it a bit, that is fairly revealing...

I was in a building consisting of many floors, a complex maze of rooms, corridors, windows, and doors.  The doors themselves were very telling with their different sizes, shapes, how they opened (standard, shutter-like, etc.), and... the sheer number of locks on them all.  Locks of all kinds...

I was on a very high floor looking down upon streets filled with people.  And not ordinary people, mind you--you know how dreams can be.  So.. most of them looked quite alien in nature...with some being pale white, gray, etc.  But they would change from being alien-like to being just.. people.  And these people wanted IN my building.  I remember feeling anxious, though not exactly afraid, as I scrambled to shut and lock what doors were vulnerable and unlocked.  And I almost succeeded.  All I knew is that I couldn't let these people in.  At all!  And dreams being what they are... someone got in.. and I had that proverbial "Oh shit!" moment...right before I woke.  Yeah.  You know how dreams can be.

I've been very isolated lately--by choice.  I don't let Tom close these days because he's rather 'out of touch' with what's going on with me and what I'm dealing with.  Having 'been there, done that' in the past with others, and also knowing how damaging it can be to be with someone and yet feel completely alone, I knew the only way to protect myself is to isolate myself.  A bit.  From him.  He knows this, because I've talked to him about it.  It hasn't made any difference, and he just keeps saying he doesn't want me to do that, etc... but... he continues to do things that make it impossible for me to stop.  He knows I can't afford to allow stress or unhappiness, etc. to come in and cause more harm to my body and mind.

Being sick isn't a walk in the park, but if one keeps a good mind-set about things.. it can be a drive in the country.  It's really all what you make of it.  "It's your attitude, not your aptitude, that determines your altitude."

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