Break out the Fava Beans and Chianti..

Ok.  Ok.  Just kidding.  First of all, the pic of the flowers (yes, enhanced for artistic effect) were given to me by T yesterday.  I have to admit I was very surprised, but he said he knew I wasn't feeling good and wanted to do something for me to make me feel a little better.  The gesture is incredibly sweet, and it comes on the heels of some news.

As you may know from reading other posts, and/or my other blogs, I had a transjugular biopsy on my liver a couple of days ago.  Yesterday I received a call from my GI/liver specialist's office telling me he wants me to have an ultrasound on my liver on Monday to double-check some things because they found elevated portal pressures (hepatic portal vein).  I told T I had an ultrasound scheduled on Monday (also have another appt with my hematologist at the same hospital) and why.  I guess maybe he's getting the idea now that I'm not making up symptoms and that I really do feel this bad.

This is the most difficult about having chronic illness, or just an illness that doesn't present with something you can see clearly with your eyes.  Many times there are signs and clues, such as deepening dark circles under and around the eyes--to the point where it looks like someone hit you in the face, maybe the person's eyes look 'duller' and less bright and 'open,' or maybe it's a number of things that, had you not seen the person for a while would startle you.  Too many people suffer with different illnesses and are often not believed, shrugged off, and worse... because they can't SEE everything going on.  Even with a diagnosis it seems that, unless it's cancer, etc., no one believes that you can be extremely sick and still be able to stand.. at all.  I simply don't get this brand of compassionless thinking.

I'm not going to focus on people who lack compassion or the ability to try and understand what they've not experienced, so I will leave my thoughts on the matter as-is.  Right now my focus, my goal is just to continue to wait for test results in order to get answers, as well as solutions.

Staying in a peaceful mindset is going to take a bit of work today.  I'll keep trying just the same.