A strange thing about dreams--the only scary ones are those that present as reality. At least to me. But I don't have nightmares, so I'm not speaking of those. For me, it's how utterly REAL some can feel, and waking up feel like you're not in the right place anymore. Whether it's the faces and interactions with those real and the obscure, the result is the same. I wake up feeling utterly at odds with just about everything, feeling something that's almost akin to mourning... as if, by waking, I'd lost something incredibly important. Such are dreams.
I've spoken about this a few times in my blogs, I know, and I suppose it may seem that it really doesn't have much to do with 'real life' or 'actual reality.' But doesn't it? If, as they say, the subconscious drives our dreams, creating that inner reality as we remain a silent passenger on that ride, then isn't it in some way our own reality speaking directly to us? I rather think so. Not that it means we have to ACT on our dreams, but at times.... people have, including me.
It's a long story I won't go into, but I actually had ONE dream many years ago that profoundly impacted my life--and for the better. Let's just say that upon waking that morning I knew I had to change my life, and change it in a way so that it altered the course of my life going forward. Trust me, it was a very good thing. I went to bed in one place my head and woke up the next morning... changed. In the throes of silence it was still, in every way, cathartic.
I'm not going to say my dreams of late have had this kind of impact on me, but they have caught my attention.. as I believe the innermost part of who I am is sending me warning shots. I wake up somehow knowing that time is of the essence--yet my body refuses to allow me to DO anything in response. Kind of a real bitch, to be honest.
Somehow I have to find a way, as soon as possible, to reconcile what I can and cannot do with regards to my health and what is absolutely necessary to survive. Steps I've taken recently, with the decision to stop medication (much to my doctor's chagrin) is a start.. though I won't go into all that again here. Still, I've put my health and well-being, which includes ultimate happiness, into the hands of physicians that have, but for a couple of issues, failed thus far. Now it's up to me--at least that's how I see it anyway.
They don't understand, those doctors. They don't understand why I'm choosing to risk everything by not taking medications they say I HAVE to take. They fail to understand that quality of life is everything, and that no matter how long you live--if you're quality of life is nil.. what's the point? "I" get it, and that's all that matters. Ultimately, it is my life and my choice.
Given these are recent decisions to clear medications from my system to help myself get to the bottom of this debilitating fatigue, etc., perhaps the dreams I have these days are simply telling me to 'hurry.' So that's basically where I get that from, that thought, that guess (because guessing is all I have) as to what my dreams, or subconscious is telling me. For all the hassle and failure and attempts to try this or that to rectify the situation, I truly believe the message is: HURRY!
It's not as ominous as it sounds.
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