The Facebook Toast Experiment.

Time; Taken for granted, abused, ignored, squandered and sometimes stolen.  It's the currency of our lives, the one thing we can't live without, yet we can't seem to remember how little of it (time) we actually have.  It's nearly impossible to truly appreciate the time we have when we feel healthy, strong, energetic and, face it, damn near immortal.  When one's quality of life diminishes, time not only becomes more valuable but is measured quite differently.

When you deal with chronic illness, when quality of life diminishes, every moment, every choice, every decision is weighed carefully against what is gained as opposed to what is lost.  I have to make these choices on a daily basis now, because time wasted is, well, gone forever.  I don't know from one day to the next, or one hour to the next, or even one MINUTE to the next exactly how good or bad I will feel or what I will be able to do or not do.  My choice as to how I spend my time and who I spend it on isn't taken lightly.  My family automatically gets my time and attention, with the exception of siblings.. who never treated me like family from the time I was born (another talk show).  I also give my pets my attention and time.  I'm not about to waste precious time on people who aren't there for me, or on those who treat me with very little (if any) respect.  T is the exception because I still hold hope that he'll come around.

My time right now is divided into some unpleasant categories.  I spend a lot of my day just trying to make it from one mundane and everyday task or situation to the next.  There's no room for extraneous anything, no room for excess, no room for frivolity, no room for other people's drama.  Again, my family can bring their heartaches and rants and whatever to me no matter what; that's called unconditional love.  But mark my words, if you're absent in my life and suddenly want my attention... you better have a good reason, because the days of being a last-resort sounding board are gone.  I value REAL relationships, REAL friendships.  I have no room and no time for anything less.

As my entire morning was spent dealing with health issues (that I won't go into), I'm reminded how few truly good days I have.  If there is even 5 minutes without pain or discomfort, that 5 minutes is golden and not to be squandered.  So few people understand when I refuse to engage in their blatant drama or hateful rhetoric on Facebook, and I welcome being blocked or ignored by those who engage in those 'activities.'  I simply have NO room for it in my life.  And I'm not talking about normal, everyday drama that everyone has.  I'm talking about people who go out of their way to start drama using overt or veiled insults, or even resorting to passive/aggressive social networking maneuvers in an attempt to irritate or otherwise provoke me.  I've blocked or unfollowed a few who've done this.  Thankfully, most people aren't like that.

I've actually taken to spending a LOT less time on Facebook these days and mostly engage in my quota of social networking on Twitter.  When I compare the two I'm actually quite surprised at how superficial FB activity is.  People simply focus on the weirdest things, ignoring anything REAL a person posts.  This became SO apparent to me when I posted, of all things, a photo of several pieces of TOAST--yep, actual toasted bread (see image to left)--and a request from the poster (me, in this case) asking which people preferred.  This was a re-post, btw.  And you would NOT believe how many people responded to THAT post! I could hardly keep up!  But if I post something real, something that has to do with current events, anything that isn't a meme or video or whatever... only a few small number of people comment.  I have to wonder if people are chronically on autopilot while on FB.

How this translates into the real world is pretty easy to figure out.  Most are walking around in their pink cloud and are too afraid to peek out at the absolute technicolor of real life.  I don't understand this.  And talk about a waste of time!

The toast experiment was telling, I have to say.  VERY telling.  And I also learned something valuable about the outcome.. and that is... most people really think they have forever, that they can walk around with their blinders on and not participate in real life without consequences.  My health prevents me from participating in many events and activities right now, but I'm still participating in life as it is right now.  I'm engaged enough to not be distracted by, of all things, a photo of toast.  My time is just too precious to waste on the superficial BS that most engage in so they don't have to put too much of their time or effort into anything that doesn't serve them completely.

Can we login to life now?

Because I Can.

It's inevitable, isn't it?  Social networking is like trying to have a picnic beneath a buzzing hornets nest.  We know the situation is precarious, especially when so many have now succumbed to chronic butt-hurt, and yet we persevere, post to our little heart's content, and laugh at the wrath some things inspire from unstable people.  We try to understand, and some will try to edit what they post in order to 'keep down the drama.'  Thing is, the drama is on their side, not ours.  I mean, getting bent out of shape over what someone posts is a lot like being offended by the furniture in your neighbor's house... and saying so.  It's rude, and it's inappropriate.

So why do people do it if it's just going to stir up trouble?  Well, the answer to the question is in the question itself.  Some people are addicted to drama, and you can spot them readily because they'll be the ones complaining constantly, and in their passive/aggressive manner, about everyone else's "drama."  I know you guys have seen this.

I'm always a little amazed, watching them melt-down, lose control, judge others for speaking their minds, all the while trying desperately trying to blur the line between 'victim' and 'bully.'  Know the type I'm talking about?  These are the people who will call you an idiot while claiming they're above such behavior.

It's perplexing.

Here's the thing: Social networking doesn't come with a carte blanche card to attack other people's views, etc.  You have a choice to keep going if you see a post you don't like, and most stable, intelligent people will do just that.  And yes, there are exceptions, such as someone outright attacking, bullying, posting personal or sensitive information about you, etc.  I mean, by all means.. call them out on it if they do that, and be sure to block their sorry asses when you're done.  Nobody likes a bully.

Now, you also have to practice what you preach.  I choose not to comment if I don't like something, and I refrain when possible the urge to behave in passive/aggressive ways.

I personally don't believe we should censor our speech just to make other people more comfortable.  DO know that I'm NOT including bullying in this, because that will NEVER be okay.  Not ever.  But outside of bullying, we can say what we want, given it's within keeping with said SN TOS.

My personal experience in this current political climate has been that the chronically butt-hurt come out in force when I post something that isn't in keeping with their own views.  One person in particular has taken to some very nasty commenting on posts he doesn't agree with, and often it's simply posts in support of who my chosen presidential candidate is.  Now why would anyone have to vomit nastiness on a positive post?  Who knows?  Who cares?  My posts on my page aren't open to bullying and nastiness.  I will either delete your posts or block you.  Enough is enough.  For the record, I've not yet blocked this other person, but that could change quickly after today's nastiness.

When has free speech turned into 'free to bully'?  I don't have the answer to this question either, but maybe it's more a rhetorical reference than anything else.  Either way, some people really don't understand how stubborn I can be when it comes to another trying to control what I do, how I think, how I feel, and so on.  Yeah, I can assure you.. you really don't want to poke the bear like that.

Bullying doesn't work on me, and you'll find quite the opposite response than what you hope for.  But then, I think these types of drama queens actually WANT the drama, which is why they spend SO much time tossing insults.  Why else would they do it if that's the only payoff?

So today this person went on a rant, tossing in character assassination remarks and such, and quite a few at that.  But the main complaint is that he didn't want to see political posts and actually stated that if you're posting more than 2-3 per day that your friends are "Fucking sick of you."  Well, what he thinks was a clever cut down and shaming tactic I see only as a challenge, and one I accepted right off.  Today is going to be a day when the political posts will continue.. all.. day.. long.

I don't give in to bullies, who are really just cowards anyway.  My page, my posts, and anyone who doesn't like it can click the 'unfollow' or 'unfriend' button!  You can't bully me.  You can't censor me.  And you can't control me.

Challenge me, and you may be surprised at my response.  And remember, you can't un-ring that bell.

I also practice what I preach: if I see a post I don't like... I move on.  Having the restraint to NOT react is empowering, because when you do as that other person did today you show weakness, an inability to control your own emotions and behavior.  Why would anyone willingly do that?  There are venues outside of social media to air your grievances if needed.  Hell, I have blogs where I can speak my mind and get things off my chest WITHOUT drawing attention to the person I may be talking about.  Having been at the receiving end of abuse and character assassination I choose to refrain from going down that road if possible.  But I assure you, I'm NOT afraid to stand up for myself; that's a completely different thing altogether anyway.

As they say... haters gonna hate. ;p

Respect Has Nothing to Do With Your Demands

Do you get it, the title I mean?  Do you read that alone and become angry, irritated?  It's okay if you are angry, because you probably don't understand what it means.  Allow me a moment to explain...

Human nature dictates that when we want something and ask it of another that we automatically feel the other person must comply if they care.  Let's be honest, because this is what people think.  Doesn't mean it's good or bad; it just means it IS what it IS.  So given this idea, why then is it that we become so hurt, angry, bitter, and so forth (some people anyway) when our needs, wants, desires, demands, and so forth aren't met?  Is it the other person's fault, or is it that the demands themselves take on a living, breathing life of their own, something that people can lose control of quickly if they're not very careful?  I think it's very much the latter.

The monsters we create from our own needs usually turn on us.  It's the truth, when you think about us.  Some people, though not all and not all of the time, see their needs as so inherently vital that they can't possibly be happy if those needs aren't being met by someone else.  Meaning, higher expectations of others than what you expect from yourself is a sure way to end up an angry, bitter, mean-ass individual.  I've seen it happen.  BOY have I seen it happen.

My past is marked by experiences that are less than wonderful, and most of the damaging experiences where when I was with people who literally shoved unreasonable demands on me without ever allowing for room for me to actually live my own life.  Being asked to be at someone's 24/7 beck and call is beyond anything 'reasonable,' and eventually you're going to wear that person down.  This is what happened to me.

I lived that life for a few years, the life where my time meant nothing to that other person, my time nor space or even the room for me to take care of myself (bathing, eating, sleeping, down time, etc.).  Demands in excess that diminished my ability to even take care of myself properly, and all the while he claimed I was being disrespectful for not being that person at his every beck and call and whim at any given moment in a 24hr period.

What I know NOW that I didn't know THEN is that the lack of respect from him with regards to my own personal space was a very serious problem and a huge red flag.  Expecting me to be on 24/7 stand-by to fulfill his every demand was really about disrespecting me, not the other way around.  I wasn't put on earth to be a servant to anyone.  And yet that's exactly what I became until I was empty, spent, used up and exhausted.

He wasn't blind or confused.  He was calculating, precise, and knew exactly what he was doing.  In fact, he felt quite justified in what he was doing, what he was asking of me, because to him.. that was normal.  But I'm here to tell you it's not normal at all to treat another human being that way.

I'm on a roll today, btw, about this whole respect thing because it's become an important aspect in my life, as it should be in all our lives.  We can't allow people to use us like servants, and we can't be okay with the dishing out of punishments when we can't be on standby 24/7.  We deserve to live our own lives, take care of ourselves, and we deserve to be happy.  You can't be happy when someone else is trying to control your every waking moment. You just can't.

So if it seems I'm having 'one of those days' today, well that's because I am.  I told you guys I'm still working to get past the past, to heal the damage and find that peacefulness I once had.  This is just part of the process, no matter how chaotic it may come across.  It's a process....

Hopefully I've made some sense.  If not, then chalk it up to my just having another day of dealing...

Well, some of you know where I'm coming from...

The Crap I Spew

Well, I told you guys I was going to do this, and I know some of you, if not most of you, usually end up having a preference as to which blog(s) of mine to read.  At least that's what some of you have told me.  The new blog, however, is just an outlet for crazy, stupid, nutty, fun, wacky-whatevers I need or want to share.  Yes, sometimes it's 'need.' ;)

Crap that enters my mind, sometimes unbidden.
Crap I think up that ends up epically cool, or total crap.
Crap I have an opinion about.
Crap I just want to share with you guys for no reason.
Crap I've seen.
Crap I've heard.
Crap I'm confused by.
Crap I'm angered by.
Crap
Crap
Crap
Crap
...and even more Crap.

It's in its fledgling stage, so hang in there as the growing pains begin.

URL:

http://thecrapispew.blogspot.com

Have fun!  Oh, and remember... all PC is out the window there, and don't be surprised if you have multiple WTF moments... eventually, it's gonna happen. ;p