PART III: Malignant Narcissists, Revisited.

By request.... PART III.  And Julia, I will post the video of the song in question at the end.

PART II: Malignant Narcissists, Revisited.

By request.... PART II.  Part III is next.

Creative chaos.

I'm way behind getting these uploaded, so please bear with me...

Anger? Surprise? Inspiration at its worst? WTH?

REPOST from my other blog(s):

Sometimes I get a spark of something that inspires me.  Such inspiration doesn't always present itself in the best way, though, but I usually try to go with it when it happens.  Such gems shouldn't be taken for granted but taken advantage of.  It really is that rare.

In the midst of fighting for every drop of energy that can be found wherever it is I can find it, a tiny burst will make its way into the day and nudge me.  Okay, I can certainly deal with that.  Wish there were MORE of it, but I'll take what I can get and go with it nonetheless.

The fuel for this little 'fire' isn't from a good source, definitely not a positive force, and most definitely not from a pleasant source.  Be that as it may, there it is... kind of like when your dog has an accident and you're left looking at it wondering to yourself what you did to deserve such a... 'gift'? lol  Okay, okay... enough with lame attempts at comedy.  Even so, the conversation with a friend of mine earlier today was what ignited this whatever-it-is and sent me on a journey to try and put my thoughts in order.  I found the results of that rather.. lacking.

All this blabbering, to be honest, is just my working through it all.  Not the conversation, because that was interesting and creatively invigorating.  But the chaos I'm dealing within the thought process at the moment is simply trying to pull together the shards of data that's left from past experience.  Anyone who understands this knows where I'm coming from.  G knows.  She gets it.  And, from what I read on her blog(s)... she's been able to run with it without tripping like a clown every step of the way that I've been.  Eh.  I'm still confident that this purging will eliminate the chaff and reveal the good stuff.  I'll be back to discuss that when it happens.

The Art of ASSuming & The Most Powerful Thing To Be....

I spent the last 1/2 hour or so talking on the phone to a friend of mine, who also has a blog as well, and we talked about life, health, girl stuff, and so on.  During the course of the conversation, and as the conversation settled into more meaningful, deeper topics... we both came to the realization that scrutiny is good, and ASSumption is bad.  Okay.  Sounds silly when you put it like that, but why confuse the issue with pretty words?

Somewhere between acquiring information and implementing reason something can go very, very awry, and the consequences aren't anything to write home about.  So why do people fall prey to the rather weak lure of assumption when the truth is often, though not always, fairly interesting?  G and I concluded that we definitely are in the middle of a dung-pile of thrill-seekers who can't handle being removed from the most caustic drama available.  And when it's not available... they set about constructing the facade that will most assist them in their endeavor to be shocked, appalled, thrilled, and mortified.  How crazy is that?  Well, maybe it's not crazy at all.

Humans thrive on drama.  Whether you have drama in your life or not, and it doesn't matter who's fault the drama is, people just can't seem to help themselves when said drama isn't up to par for their taste.  It takes talent, G and I agree on this, and we believe that in all seriousness people hone and perfect this skill that is not at all unlike mental heroin.  Once people try it.. they can't do without it, and when their 'stash' of drama runs low, or it's just not doing it anymore for them, they have to enhance it somehow.

Right before G and I hung up so we could, you know, blog about it (grin)... we both thought there was, in so many ways, a certain kind of power with being honest with blogging AND life.  When you realize your advantage, when it finally hits you that you're actually in a position power... the anger against having ASSumption being projected on you... that's the moment you win.

The most powerful thing to be, hands-down, is underestimated.

Now, this isn't anything new.  I've known this, as most do, my whole life.  Or at least fairly early on at some point... usually in childhood.  Even if we don't recognize it right off deep in our gut we know.  The first time someone doesn't believe us when we're telling the truth--realization sets in.  And either then, or later on in life, at some point in time... you understand fully that the moment people don't give you credit for having intelligence is the moment they relinquish their own power.. to you.

People who don't respect you try, even subconsciously, to discredit you.  This is a very strong form of underestimation of you as a person.  This means they underestimate you, therefore, can't predict what you will say, do, or think at any moment in any situation.  The mistrust they infuse doesn't move beyond themselves and, therefore... they weaken their own ability to 'keep up.'  My question in all of this is.. "Why on earth would they deliberately assume the position of weakness?"  Well, that's something only those people can answer.

I can be amused by all of this easily.  However, as G and I agreed, there's a certain element of pity that comes into play when you realize that when people choose to inject ASSumption into truth that their lives must become terribly distorted as a result.  How can anyone find anything good if the distortion becomes a barrier to actual communication?

At this moment I can visualize G blogging away frantically---excited to know she's not as powerless as she once thought.  It was a good conversation.

Off to re-post on my other blogs, then to read G's blog...

What a weird freaking day.

Respect Has Nothing to Do With Your Demands

Do you get it, the title I mean?  Do you read that alone and become angry, irritated?  It's okay if you are angry, because you probably don't understand what it means.  Allow me a moment to explain...

Human nature dictates that when we want something and ask it of another that we automatically feel the other person must comply if they care.  Let's be honest, because this is what people think.  Doesn't mean it's good or bad; it just means it IS what it IS.  So given this idea, why then is it that we become so hurt, angry, bitter, and so forth (some people anyway) when our needs, wants, desires, demands, and so forth aren't met?  Is it the other person's fault, or is it that the demands themselves take on a living, breathing life of their own, something that people can lose control of quickly if they're not very careful?  I think it's very much the latter.

The monsters we create from our own needs usually turn on us.  It's the truth, when you think about us.  Some people, though not all and not all of the time, see their needs as so inherently vital that they can't possibly be happy if those needs aren't being met by someone else.  Meaning, higher expectations of others than what you expect from yourself is a sure way to end up an angry, bitter, mean-ass individual.  I've seen it happen.  BOY have I seen it happen.

My past is marked by experiences that are less than wonderful, and most of the damaging experiences where when I was with people who literally shoved unreasonable demands on me without ever allowing for room for me to actually live my own life.  Being asked to be at someone's 24/7 beck and call is beyond anything 'reasonable,' and eventually you're going to wear that person down.  This is what happened to me.

I lived that life for a few years, the life where my time meant nothing to that other person, my time nor space or even the room for me to take care of myself (bathing, eating, sleeping, down time, etc.).  Demands in excess that diminished my ability to even take care of myself properly, and all the while he claimed I was being disrespectful for not being that person at his every beck and call and whim at any given moment in a 24hr period.

What I know NOW that I didn't know THEN is that the lack of respect from him with regards to my own personal space was a very serious problem and a huge red flag.  Expecting me to be on 24/7 stand-by to fulfill his every demand was really about disrespecting me, not the other way around.  I wasn't put on earth to be a servant to anyone.  And yet that's exactly what I became until I was empty, spent, used up and exhausted.

He wasn't blind or confused.  He was calculating, precise, and knew exactly what he was doing.  In fact, he felt quite justified in what he was doing, what he was asking of me, because to him.. that was normal.  But I'm here to tell you it's not normal at all to treat another human being that way.

I'm on a roll today, btw, about this whole respect thing because it's become an important aspect in my life, as it should be in all our lives.  We can't allow people to use us like servants, and we can't be okay with the dishing out of punishments when we can't be on standby 24/7.  We deserve to live our own lives, take care of ourselves, and we deserve to be happy.  You can't be happy when someone else is trying to control your every waking moment. You just can't.

So if it seems I'm having 'one of those days' today, well that's because I am.  I told you guys I'm still working to get past the past, to heal the damage and find that peacefulness I once had.  This is just part of the process, no matter how chaotic it may come across.  It's a process....

Hopefully I've made some sense.  If not, then chalk it up to my just having another day of dealing...

Well, some of you know where I'm coming from...