How to starve to death on a vegan diet and make your private parts fall off

No, wait WHAT??  Yeah, everyone knows that if you're vegan or vegetarian you're going to starve to death because, what the hell are you going to eat if you're not going to eat meat?  Right?

Seeds and twigs and grass.  Right?  I mean, who wants to live off of rabbit food when you can just eat the rabbit?  OMG, no!  And if you starve yourself your muscles will be used for protein and..and..and..isn't just about everything made up of muscle?...and what about my, you know, "stuff?"  You know, 'the important stuff'?

What?  You think if you don't eat meat then your muscles will waste away and your junk will fall off, right?

So, to make things easy, and without going through the myriad of facts and such, and without restating the bazillian things listed in abundance on the internet already regarding how you will ultimately starve to death on a vegan diet... let me just skip right to it and give you the horrifying visual of all the grim and non-palatable ways you'll starve.

Brace yourself.  This shit is about to get real.

It's not meat.  I LOOKS like meat.  Ooooh, but it's not!  THIS is how they trick you! 

I'm not falling for this!

And this, this is another way "they" lure you into the vegan trap!  yeah, just take a gander (oops, did I just say that!?!) at this heaping pot of vegan chili!  Non-meat!  It has to be an illusion, filled with visual and culinary impossibilities.  It's a trap.  Just don't go there!

Oh, now we're talking!  THIS looks like some kind of salad!  HA!!!  Gotchya!

But then there's all this creamy stuff, and then some walnuts.  Some herbs and fruit... chickpeas I guess...  I don't trust this.

I simply don't trust this.  Best to steer clear.  I'm sure it's definitely a trap.

I know I see cheese in this stuff.  Right?  Cheese?  No cheese, you say?  WTF???  I KNOW I'M SEEING CHEESE!

Cauliflower?  That's not freaking cauliflower, dude! You're out of your f***ing mind!  Cauliflower that looks like cheese.  You're crazy.

Well I'M not going to eat it!  I don't recognize one single thing there!  Okay, maybe TWO things.  But I'm not eating it, because I don't know what it is.

And where's the chicken?

So this looks okay, but I'm going to have to hit McDonald's after this.  You know that, right?  I mean, where's the beef??!!  Nothing there to eat?!  I'm going to starve!!!

Aaaaahhhhh!!!  A hamburger!!!!!

What do you mean it's not a "hamburger."  I know a hamburger when I see one, and that is a f***ing hamburger!

Mushrooms, my a$$!  And what the hell is a quinoa??!!



Yeah.  I've heard it all, read it all, and at times... thought it all.  But it's all vegan.  Some are main courses, and some are side dishes.  MY thing right now is that I have to combine both vegan/vegetarian with gluten-free.  That is a given.  Though there is one thing that is going to somewhat hinder that from being 100% and that's my cookware.

In order to have a COMPLETELY GLUTEN-FREE DIET you have to replace all of your cookware!  Yep.  And my cookware is an expensive, professional quality set that I'm not about to replace.  Maybe one day.  But not right now.  I've invested in two juicers, so that's enough investing at this time.

Another thing you need to know if you go gluten-free is this:  If you suspect celiac do NOT go on a gluten-free diet, because that will hinder a diagnosis!!!  Get your doctor to get the tests done prior to doing any gluten-free diet, because you don't want to go through that biopsy for no reason!  I doubt I have celiac, so I'm willing to take the risk.

So here's me kicking off my next phase in health, weight loss, and keeping my private parts from falling off!

And yes, there will be some new entries about other things such as how I'm feeling, if my girly bits are still intact (just kidding!), how I feel about the price of tea in England.... or whatever happens to be floating or sinking my boat.

Like I said... This shit is about to get real.

Day 14 - Wake Up, Kick Ass, Repeat

Day 14 -  I tried standing like that and I think I pulled something and scared my family.  And my dog.  But the good news is that I've lost 14 lbs so far and I'm one day away from my first 30 day goal!  30 days of juicing, and I'm half way there!  Yay!

Funny ad, but I have to say there's a little truth in it.  These days people are shallow, and unless your significant other truly loves you, he/she will hit the dusty cow pie trail and you'll be left in a fatigue-laden, dust-clouded aloneness.  But then, maybe that's for the best.  Either way, this goofy ad speaks about a "vegetable compound," so there IS a little truth in this advertising, after all.  They just didn't tell the whole truth.  Of course, they were just trying to sell something.

Juicing is still the best way to get an abundance of the good stuff into your body.  Plain and simply put.  And... you'll be peppy too, for yourself, your family, your LIFE!

Life.  My life.  That's really what it's all about anyway.  I have to wake up every day and face myself, who I am, where I am, no matter what, and tell myself that I am okay!  :)  Now, if you're like me you may know you're a bit on the 'not-so-normal side,' and that's even better!  ha!  So go with it. I do, and I plan to keep doing so.

I embrace my not-so-normalness!;p

So today I got out of bed and I told myself that I'm going to take it easier than I did the last few days.  I over extended myself a bit and now I'm paying the price.  But that's not a bad thing, because it just means that my energy is up and that my body is in a state of "WTF??!" lol

Now it's just about taking it a step back and easing into things a little bit at a time and deciding not to conquer the world in one day.  Dang it.  I was so hoping to do that in a day, too!

Another thing I need to remember is to stop being so impersonal about things when I'm making my entries here.  As I was typing I realized I was going down the road of disassociating myself, personally, from my entries (for the most part) and had to go back and change some wording, phrasing, etc.  Old habits, I guess, not wanting to expose myself too much.

Bad habits are meant to be broken, and I'm going to make that one my bitch.

So, what bad habit are you going to make your bitch today?

Noodles!