Let's Not Get Ahead of Ourselves

Quality of life; it only matters when you don't have it.  I can't speak for anyone else, but QOL matters a lot to me, and mostly because I've had to deal with the poor end of that existence.  Meaning, a poor QOL.  Now, let me make one thing perfectly clear; I don't see QOL connected to being wealthy.  I mean, whoever said you could buy happiness?  As cliche as that is, it's still perfectly true: you simply cannot buy happiness.

Now that we have that out of the way, WTH does that have to do with the price of tea in China?...

I don't intend to waste my life taking measure of everything that's gone right or wrong.  I don't feel that at any moment my world can collapse or expand abruptly; although I suppose this can happen.  I want to simply find my footing in MY life and live.  Is that so hard to understand?  Yes.  For some people have to comprehension of what QOL is or what it means because they've either not had it, or they've never gone without it.  It's really quite simple to understand.

So what does quality of life mean to me?

...Being heard.
...Treated with respect, kindness, and compassion.
...Given a chance to be myself, and to grow as I see fit.
...Having enough personal space to be able to breathe.  Really breathe.
...Being able to take care of myself; my life, my health, my spirit.
...and so very much more.

Because things are difficult right now, my quality of life has collapsed, and I don't mean in some small, meaningless way that will resolve on its own.  What I'm speaking of is far more insidious and disabling than mere unfortunate events.  Oh, and steps are being taken on my behalf to correct this, but the problem lies with resistance and clutter.  Let me explain...

Resistance, push-back when I make changes, reach for the goal, or otherwise try to catch my breath in my life.  Resistance in the form of control, suppression, and a stark lack of empathy from someone I'm living with.  This is a critical time for me, and I need to be focusing on my health, my own happiness, and surviving.  That's right--surviving.  Because if you're in a bad situation it can and will make you sick.  Trust me--I'm there.

I spent quite a bit of time asking the same question over and over again; what the hell is happening to me?  Now I ask; how do I make my life better?  Sure, this is kind of a 'duh' statement, but it wasn't easy for me to get to a place where I could say that.

My blog is a place to start.  In the past I would write to my heart's content about practically everything.  I avoided speaking in code, alluding to facts instead of expressing them, and showing my emotions.  Without going into detail as to what happened to make me stop (right now anyway), I'm simply going to say that it became a series of "Pavlov's Dog" experiences.  Needless to say, those experiences changed me; but I fully intend to change myself back.  Capiche?

I have much to address.  My health is at the top of the list of things that need my undivided attention, and that's precisely what I'm going to do; put my health right at the top where it belongs.

I refuse to allow my relationship to ruin me.  I can't change someone from disrespectful to respectful. I can't make someone feel empathy or compassion.  I can't force someone to hear me when I speak, nor can I force them to remember those things that are critically important to me, to my life, and my health.  All I can do is plug along and detach myself from the situation enough so I can find peace, and so I can heal.  It's all anyone can do in a situation like this.

Yes, I have a lot to do.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves; the present needs addressing.