Whatever the Hell That Means

Normal.  No idea what that means anymore.  Every day something changes, and I'm left completely taken aback by the sheer ridiculousness of it all.  But is it really ridiculous, or is it just that I'm finding I can't sort through the mess on my own and come to any conclusions as to how I'm going to deal with this ever-changing situation with my health?  I've gone back and forth so many times with this and have yet to come up with anything that makes any sense at all.  Maybe it's time I stop trying to make sense of what this is and focus on living with what I'm dealt with for the time being.  And maybe, just maybe, I need my head examined. ;p Okay, so that's always a given, isn't it?

My focus is lost as well, and that's to be expected I suppose.  Being sick, really sick isn't something that inspires keen insight and razor-sharp focus, now does it?  I get that, and I accept that as my reality at the moment. Still, where do I go from here?

I'm not sure who's reading all blogs, some of my blogs, or just one... but I've been trying to sort through this newness from every angle, and as you can imagine.. I'm mostly failing.  New symptoms jumped on board today, others have returned from my anemic past, and I'm left sitting here wondering who I can, if anyone, to ask for a re-test of my ferritin levels.  Things is, I'm just too damn tired, too sick... to want to deal with leaving messages for nurses and waiting for a return phone call to state my case.

Nausea and a complete absence of an appetite; a huge change from yesterday.

Prednisone is known for messing with blood sugar, known for massive water retention, and a plethora of other undesirable side effects.  They're necessary evils for those who have to take it to avoid potentially life-threatening complications of various diseases.  In my case, I'm using it to get my body in remission from autoimmune hepatitis, something that will destroy my liver if I leave it untreated.  I accept what must be done, of course.  In the meantime, up until today I've had to fight off relentless hunger, which is a common side effect of Pred.  Today.. is quite a different story altogether...

I noticed a few days ago that my taste has changed, and while at first it was only slightly noticeable, today a wave of nausea hit me and I realized my hunger was absolutely and completely GONE.  In fact, the thought of food makes me sick to my stomach.  This is a major turnaround and one I'm not quite sure what to do with.  And yesterday, my tongue felt sore... as it does today, and with that soreness is an almost numbness.  What gives?

No answers yet.  But I'm starting to wonder if the prednisone has already begun messing with my blood sugar in a major way.  I'm choosing not to think that, but instead.. I'm thinking maybe the anemia is returning.  I don't know WHAT the hell is going on, but I can tell you I don't like it one single bit.

So now what?

I have absolutely NO idea.

I'm just not going there...

Bated into an argument.  Who doesn't just LOVE that?  Just kidding.  NO ONE loves that...

Anemia, grade II diastolic dysfunction, low vitamin D, lung issues that my pulmonologist has only begun to get to the bottom of, increasing BP that we've yet to find a cause of, and I won't even begin to list the plethora of symptoms plaguing my days.  The very LAST thing I need is someone willing to turn just about anything into a debate.  And I don't mean that something is said and someone has to defend themselves in any way.  Nor am I referring to the act of simply stating a different opinion of something.  I'm talking about the ART of argument... for argument's sake.  I just don't understand this at all, and it's wrecking my peace of mind.  That has to stop.  Soon.

I don't even attempt to participate in this BS.  And while it's glaringly apparent that these types of arguments serve NO purpose at all, T insists on embarking on the contrary.

Word to the wise---develop discernment with regards to what is going on in these circumstances.  I've decided to pick my battles and completely ignore anything that harms me.  This will be MUCH easier once into the new house, as I will have my own office/room separate from the combined living areas that people can't really expect to avoid one another.  I intend on making that room my own personal sanctuary, a place to decompress.  The sunroom will become the same.  I intend to make sure those environments are conducive to good health, peace of mind, and a place where I can work on shaking off the negativity that surrounds the situation.  And yes, of course this absolutely possible.  Not only possible, but necessary!

My dreams of late point to this necessity for positive vibes, healing vibes, hopeful vibes.  My subconscious and conscious are in-sync and connecting the dots on a daily basis.  Moment by moment more information is revealed, leaving me to understand how extremely important it is to my health, my LIFE that I protect myself from these external and harmful interactions.  You'd think I would have learned about this by now, right?

Dreams.  They reveal much if we pay attention to the message.  I know mine reveal quite a bit.  It's a combination of the imagery, an almost-metaphor-like movie playing out in my mind as I sleep, revealing what actually IS.  Sometimes the message is grim.  But honestly, most of the time the message is one of HOPE.  I understand this on a deep level, despite the unsettling way it unfolds as I sit in the theater of my mind.

No matter if my first reaction is to just allow myself to be baffled by it all, dreams being what they are.  I still possess the capacity for allowing the message to come right through.  And I'm more than okay with that, even if the message isn't exactly comfortable.  Hell, if it weren't comfortable it would be easier to recognize and face in the light of day!

I don't allow myself to dwell during the day, so I'm pretty sure what plays out at night is that which I won't address during the day.  Yeah, yeah... that's a 'duh' statement, but it still needs to be said.

What do I do with this information?  I've not one single clue, folks.  Not one.  Assuming my subconscious still knows more than my mind is willing to see, I guess it's just a matter of time when I'm shown what to do with it all.

Until then.... Please pass the popcorn!

PART 1: IV infusion... hope this works!

So I got the call yesterday that my labs confirmed the iron deficiency and that I will be scheduled for an IV infusion.  It will take about 30 minutes for the infusion (not bad), and another 30 mins for observation for any reactions...which can be quite severe/dangerous (anaphylactic shock).  Then I have to go for a second treatment one week later, then it's observation from there to watch for any declines in ferritin, and also to see if the levels are increasing to where they should be.

I'm really hoping this will take care of the awful fatigue and other symptoms, which may not be all due to the ID/IDA with all the other issues going on.  It will be nice to have my body temp in a more normal range where I don't feel as if I'm freezing all of the time.  My temp at the doctor's office yesterday was 96.0*F.. it's been running very low like that for some time, I'm assuming, from the ID/IDA.

Let's just say... these are all steps in the direction of obtaining better health.

Infusion Confusion and Various Other Junk... and Stuff.

One step at a time.  How many times have I said that statement?  Well, I'm still in the process of figuring things out.  Or, at least the doctors are figuring things out.  Either way, though progress looks slow, it's still progress.  I'll take it.

Saw the hematologist this morning.  He ordered new labs to re-check my ferritin level so we can proceed with addressing the low iron/ferritin.  The levels have to be re-checked to confirm that the problem is still there, and if it is (which he suspects) he wants to address it with IV therapy (iron infusion).  It will take 2 treatments, one week apart.  Then once the treatments are done my ferritin/iron levels will be monitored over time to make sure it doesn't begin to drop again.  They won't have my lab results back until later this afternoon, and if it shows low ferritin again.. they'll make an appointment for the IV infusion.  Could be worse!  Some folks have to have an actual blood transfusion if it gets too bad!  Mine isn't that bad, thank goodness.

Pulmonary issues still to go.  Have to do the breathing test, which I'm assuming is because of the "Mild, scattered scarring" in my lungs.  Which I don't understand at all and try not to think about too much.  It's all still up in the air at the moment as to where my pulmonologist will take things.  We will see.  Just hoping the chronic cough I have is just the low iron.

Still in the wait-and-see phase.

Now... about those damn dreams again!.......