Human nature dictates that when we want something and ask it of another that we automatically feel the other person must comply if they care. Let's be honest, because this is what people think. Doesn't mean it's good or bad; it just means it IS what it IS. So given this idea, why then is it that we become so hurt, angry, bitter, and so forth (some people anyway) when our needs, wants, desires, demands, and so forth aren't met? Is it the other person's fault, or is it that the demands themselves take on a living, breathing life of their own, something that people can lose control of quickly if they're not very careful? I think it's very much the latter.
The monsters we create from our own needs usually turn on us. It's the truth, when you think about us. Some people, though not all and not all of the time, see their needs as so inherently vital that they can't possibly be happy if those needs aren't being met by someone else. Meaning, higher expectations of others than what you expect from yourself is a sure way to end up an angry, bitter, mean-ass individual. I've seen it happen. BOY have I seen it happen.
My past is marked by experiences that are less than wonderful, and most of the damaging experiences where when I was with people who literally shoved unreasonable demands on me without ever allowing for room for me to actually live my own life. Being asked to be at someone's 24/7 beck and call is beyond anything 'reasonable,' and eventually you're going to wear that person down. This is what happened to me.
I lived that life for a few years, the life where my time meant nothing to that other person, my time nor space or even the room for me to take care of myself (bathing, eating, sleeping, down time, etc.). Demands in excess that diminished my ability to even take care of myself properly, and all the while he claimed I was being disrespectful for not being that person at his every beck and call and whim at any given moment in a 24hr period.
What I know NOW that I didn't know THEN is that the lack of respect from him with regards to my own personal space was a very serious problem and a huge red flag. Expecting me to be on 24/7 stand-by to fulfill his every demand was really about disrespecting me, not the other way around. I wasn't put on earth to be a servant to anyone. And yet that's exactly what I became until I was empty, spent, used up and exhausted.
He wasn't blind or confused. He was calculating, precise, and knew exactly what he was doing. In fact, he felt quite justified in what he was doing, what he was asking of me, because to him.. that was normal. But I'm here to tell you it's not normal at all to treat another human being that way.
I'm on a roll today, btw, about this whole respect thing because it's become an important aspect in my life, as it should be in all our lives. We can't allow people to use us like servants, and we can't be okay with the dishing out of punishments when we can't be on standby 24/7. We deserve to live our own lives, take care of ourselves, and we deserve to be happy. You can't be happy when someone else is trying to control your every waking moment. You just can't.
So if it seems I'm having 'one of those days' today, well that's because I am. I told you guys I'm still working to get past the past, to heal the damage and find that peacefulness I once had. This is just part of the process, no matter how chaotic it may come across. It's a process....
Hopefully I've made some sense. If not, then chalk it up to my just having another day of dealing...
Well, some of you know where I'm coming from...
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