Autoimmune Hepatitis, for me, should be relatively easy to get under control, and possibly keep under control. I don't have cirrhosis, so the level of damage to my liver is minimal since the AI was caught early. That's the good news. But the case for what the medication(s) can and seem to be doing to me is another matter that has to be dealt with, and like a lot of people I'm only just a little surprised that I'm trying to decide which is worse; the disease or the cure? I think there's no easy answer to that and the outcome could go either way. At least for me.
Today I go down another 5mg of prednisone, and I have no idea what to expect. Thus far, since there's no actual answer as to what's causing the symptoms I have at the moment, I've not even tried to predict what will happen when the dosage is tapered down. And I'm completely torn now because I REALLY REALLY want OFF this drug. Prednisone is nothing to mess with.
The depression that comes with taking this stuff doesn't help at all, and I've no coping mechanisms in place to catch me when I fall. Those feelings of hopelessness, when they come simply just arrive like an unwanted house guest with way too many suitcases.
Finding hope is an everyday task as necessary as getting out of bed and having coffee. That elusive hope, the thing that provides inspiration in a seemingly grim situation, evades me on most days. But coffee helps! And no, I'm absolutely not making jokes about that blessed liquid. While my miracle vacations in the Bahamas somewhere, hope is the somewhat-retarded cousin who only wants to make demands instead of helping.
In the midst of the confusion, the chaos, the physical misery, I'm left to not sharing any of what I'm going through with anyone--at least face-to-face or on the telephone. No family to call, no one to talk about this to---except for you guys. How far into the virtual void does this information echo anyway?
Time to go...
1:42 PM -- Well, two doctor visits and a trip to LabCor was less than ideal. New prescriptions, more blood work, and the realization that this prednisone is seriously messing with my BP.. which was 192/94 on the second try; the first was higher. I hate BP meds, which I had to take before my ablation for 3 heart arrhythmias. Those meds can make a person ridiculously tired--something I already deal with. But it's just one of those things, I guess. Also checking to make sure all's well with my kidneys... which I'm sure are fine despite some of the off-kilter values last week. Maybe just a little dehydrated.
At the moment my entire body is absolutely tired and achy. I was 5 hours late taking the prednisone dose today because I couldn't eat before heading out. OH well.
Right now I think I'm just rambling on and not really saying anything, so I'll sign off for now. I'm in need of a nap and my favorite blanket...
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