A Deliberate Derailing

It happens when we least want it to.  That sucks, huh?  But I discovered something today about the ole train of thought, and that's knowing when to purposely derail that bitch!  Across my blogs I've tried to focus on what needs to be done with my current health situation, relationship situation, etc., and what I found is that my mind just kept staying on what is currently happening that I can do nothing about.  I mean, it will drive you nuts if you don't have answers for something extremely pressing, like health or relationship issues, and I am not immune to that at all.  Given the level of frustration, I need to do something to completely and totally derail my train of thought, and I could really care less where the wreckage lands at this point.  There will be chaos when that thing jumps the track, but maybe a little chaos is what's needed to force a little organization to the situation.  Right?

Let's go!

Right.  Now did you really think it would happen that easily for me?  It's okay, though.  My main goal is to feel better, feel GOOD, be happy, healthy, and have a mostly-peaceful life in which I can thrive and survive.  I can't even begin to consider wasting precious time on those trivial things that many take for granted.  I won't even go into all of that here.

There's a bigger picture.

Every time I make a mistake, meaning straying from the current daily goals I've set for myself, I feel a little frustrated.  Not a lot, but enough to get my attention.  I've been posting like crazy in all of my blogs in order to sort things out and redirect my thought processes in a different direction; not really away from the problems but more towards what I can do to help my situation.

It's a lot like slight-of-hand when you're both the magician and audience; there's just some things you can't really hide from yourself no matter how hard you try; the illusion always gives itself away.

Outside of actual magic or parlor tricks my mind continues to actively search for answers.  Currently, even if I'm given good information, accurate information I'm left with more questions than solutions to my problem.  So do I just let go and ride the rails on a runaway train of bad health and confusion?  Or do I keep focusing this somewhat nervous energy towards learning, understanding, and exercising patience where it has little chance to survive?  Do I force my mind to focus on trivial matters or escapist literature or... staring at the television lost in a daze of fiction?  Will those things keep me from overthinking this whole health mess?

See?.... always ending with yet another question.  Well, that just sucks.