Those Damn Dreams Again.

I'm not into actual dream journals and feel I don't need to focus on those little mind-movies.  Sure, I understand it's my subconscious trying to work out a few issues or problems, etc., but some of the dreams I have just leave me shaking my head in confusion, bewilderment, and the occasional emotional reaction.  I won't go into the dream itself because it was mostly just symbolism and random persons, none of whom I actually know.  The point, really, is more so what I was thinking about before I went into that sleep--the place where reality makes itself known in a chaos of seemingly unrelated artifacts.

Music is often the vessel in which I obtain sleep, and many times it means I'm hearing the music/song as I drift in and out of sleep with snippets of fractured dreams that fail to completely reveal themselves.  Rarely do dreams or this twilight sleep offer much in the way of understanding, but every now and then something bursts to the surface---taking my breath away when it does.  Normally I just allow the emotions to wash over me and not fight against what I know can't bode well for me if it stays hidden deep and buried.

It didn't bring me to tears, this realization, but it certainly knocked me out of that drowsiness for a few.  I was lucky in that it didn't exactly steal my sleep or leave me shattered.  Still, there is a reckoning in that realization and one I will have to deal with no matter what.  However, I will say that the stark reality I saw and felt only confirmed what I already knew, something that hums in the background as life goes on.  It's there.  I accept what it is.  And I've no idea what to do with it.

Let me move to a different subject, because I'm really not sure what I'm trying to say, and I'm not willing yet to reveal what this truth is...

Moving on...

So I found out today that one of the risks with a medication I'm on is dependancy.  It's for the GI tract, so who would suspect something like that could be addictive?  Geez.  Well, I shouldn't be on it long enough for that to happen.  But dang, do pharmaceutical companies EVER think about the cost and benefits of their medications?  I doubt it.

I'm freezing today--another side effect of weaning off Prednisone, unfortunately.  And it's the kind of cold that makes your hands and feet like ice, the kind that you can't shake off and are forced to simply wait it out.  This is my day today.

I'm feeling badly right now so need to go lay down... it will be my headphones, my music, and my thoughts for a bit....