Maybe I've just flatlined due to the Flexeril. It's one of the side effects, and so far I've ended up with 3 of them, none of which are anything anyone would want. I may take myself off this stuff before the two weeks is up, and I'm DEFINITELY NOT staying on them long-term. No way. So is this a drug-induced blasé ... or is my life needing much more in the way of, well, actual 'living'? I would have to say that the answer is an unequivocal 'Both!'
I'm also incredibly tired this morning. Weekends, as I've mentioned in the past, are tough. I get very little sleep, rest, or peace when T is home. Not a great sleeper these days means I make up about 2 hours after he gets out of bed. On the weekends, however, I'm unable to do this so end up being sleep-deprived throughout Saturday and Sunday of each and every, single week. *sigh* It wreaks havoc on my state of mind and health. The way I see it, it really doesn't need to be this way. A little common courtesy goes a long way in these matters. I mean, does every single thing a person does in the morning HAVE to sound like a wrecking ball going through the house? :/
I miss the peacefulness of my old apartment and life. I may not have had a 'fancy' life, but it was pretty sweet. And living alone wasn't a bad thing at all, really, though I didn't realize how much I would appreciate that later on. C'est la vie.
At the rate things are going I realize now how much I need to step things up with getting my health in order. I have to be healthy enough to live my own life and indulge, at least on occasion, in those things that made me thrive. It's really not a possibility at the moment as things are currently. But it's all quite fixable, and I can repair my health and my life if I'm diligent and believe in myself.
The reparations of my life and health are underway, but it's going to take some time. Eventually we will get to the bottom of things, and then I will know what I need to do to begin healing. The anemia is one issue, for example, of something that is making my life incredibly difficult. It causes fatigue and pain, as does fibromyalgia. Three doctors so far tell me have fibromyalgia, but I'm of a mind that such a title is only stating the obvious "Muscle Pain." That's not a diagnosis, that's a symptom. I truly believe that there's a CAUSE for that pain. One day they'll discover what's actually causing it and go from there. I won't EVEN go into my thoughts on what those causes can be.
So with the liver issue, anemia, and the fibromyalgia... and all the not-so-lovely symptoms that come with those... I really have my work cut out for me. Nothing was 'seen' during the EGD or colonoscopy that would explain the anemia, so the investigation would need to be continued. I will say that my being Vegan may be exacerbating the issue, though I can't really say for sure. My doctors weren't at all concerned with that since many plants contain iron (non-heme), and it takes 2-4 years for anemia to be a problem IF one is very strict. Iron is added to foods such as oatmeal, bread, pasta, and it's also in many plants, of course. The trick is making sure to have some vitamin C with the foods that are non-heme iron sources. I'm babbling on here, so let me get back on track....
It may take my adding fish back into my diet, though I'm thinking that shouldn't really be the case. At this point I'm willing to do whatever it takes. So far, with my ferritin at 7.4 I don't need anything drastic like a transfusion, and I can't supplement myself---no one should! Iron can really mess up the liver, so it's a dangerous journey to try iron supplementation on your own.
I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this, just to be able to talk it out in order to sort through the details and see a clearer version of this picture. Ah well. At least I have this blog. I mean, I'm totally not up to doing anything that would put me in a position to meet people here. I'm simply just too damn tired and crappy feeling right now.
Writing about this helps, even if it seems as if I'm yelling into a large, empty room and hearing nothing but my own voice echoing back at me.
Such is life.
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