Dark Kiss: A crossover from my alter ego blog "All Things Ephemeral."

The memory of scent, what people call "Aromatherapy."  We've all been there and understand what it is and how powerful it can be.  So I'll skip explaining that further.  Instead, I'm going to focus on something that may help me back to 'me' again, rediscovering who I am and resurrecting what lay beneath all I carry.  Thank you, Bath & Body Works...for taking me back.... to me.

I guess I sound a little silly, right?  lol I don't mind if you think I do.  I'm happy about this.  And frankly, sounding silly is the least of my worries these days.

It's unsettling, really, having to resort to aromatherapy and other outside measures to remind me of where I was a year ago.  But whatever works.  And this does, in part, work very well to take me back...

Back to when I was calm and happy, on my own.
Back to when I felt better.  And though I didn't feel 100%...I felt 100% better than I do right now.
Back to when I still saw so much hope and possibility.
Back to when coming home felt like the most beautiful place in the world.
Back to when I was comfortable--not just with me, but with many aspects of my life.
Back to when I had the energy to indulge in my photography, doll art.
Back to when simply stepping outside, no matter the weather, felt amazing.
Back to when even spending time at home alone was peaceful and fulfilling.
Back to when I recognized who I was and where I was.

I may not have always known where I fit within this world, but I always found my way back if I got lost along the way and knew, for a time, that I just simply fit.  And that's all I needed really.

Living alone didn't always mean being alone.  I relished my 'me time' and didn't despair when I had more than enough alone time on my hands.  Oh, there were times I thought I was lonely, but looking back shows me that I had no reason to be.  And though I longed for romantic love, REAL love, not having it was never a cause for grief for me.  There was plenty of love, because of my kids.  But the whole romantic notion of love was a longing, but not a depressing one that came with a sense of emptiness.  Usually, in my time on planet earth I learned early that brand of emptiness came when I was with someone who had fallen out of love with me, or when I was with someone and realizing I shouldn't be.  No.. the lack of romantic love when I'm alone isn't a bad thing at all, though one would think so.  I mean, aren't most people driven to find their soulmate?  Something I don't believe in anymore, btw.

My place in the world now is one of complexity.  There are difficulties I deal with, certainly, but they are what they are and are simply parts of the whole, but not 'the whole.'  My biggest problem is not recognizing anything.  Have you felt this?  And trying to make order from the chaos is tiring, to say the least.  As an adult.. I should be given more respect and space to make decisions about my life, health, and how I need to proceed to become the most healthy 'me' I can.  And this, friends, is where everything falls apart.  No space.  No respect.  I can't breathe when someone is standing on my lifeline.

So I'm sitting here at the moment, blissfully alone, and surrounded by the scent of the past, reminding me of who I am and what I need to reconnect with in order to heal.  This, for a moment, is allowing me to breathe, and also to take in all the possibility I have to believe still exists.

....Stand out of my way.  Let me breathe.  Let me live.