A collage of irretrievable decisions

I hate taking medications.  People who know me know how much I utterly despise them.  Yes, I do understand there are times when it's necessary, but I consider 'necessary' reasons to be ones in which your life depends on that medication.  I think that rather speaks for itself.  But in the case of muscle relaxers, I have to honestly say that they are amongst the most dangerous.  If you've never taken them, or if you have and didn't read about them... you may want to make sure you absolutely require them before embarking on that journey.

I've been prescribed Flexeril.  I've had doctors in the past try to tell me to take these things for this or that, but I've always refused and chosen to ride out whatever it was.  This time, my doctor says to give it two weeks (like I've not heard that before).  I agreed, and so far I'm hating it.

Here's Flexeril's ugly truth.  Seriously, two pages of side effects.  I'm sure most muscle relaxers are similar as far as risks are concerned, but this is some nasty stuff.  I've been on it for 2 days now and feel absolutely sluggish, and I take it at night!  And here's an interesting thing about those side effects: One of the ones listed on the serious side effects is.. "Unusual dreams."  Really?  And just how am I, or anyone, to differentiate between the normal dreams and the side effect dreams?  Aren't all dreams unusual?  I don't know about you, but ALL of my dreams are unusual.

Well, basically, I'm not liking this crap one single bit and hope I can stop them before long.

Moving along....

As they say, "Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it."  Totally agree.  I've kept emails, texts, this and that for a long, long time now.  Much of it is unpleasant, while others aren't so much.  In some ways I guess I should just delete the lot of them, but I think that if I do the lines will blur between what I need to remember and what I need to forget (or at least put out of my mind).  And oh yes, I'm very adept at blurring those lines.  I'm too quick to forgive and forget, and in some ways.. that's really not a good thing at all.

I've often thought... What if I take all of those conversations and blog them?  What if I actually put them out there for the world to see, talk about it all... right here, right now, on all of my blogs?  Of course, names would be changed.  But would it help others going through what I did?  Would it help, would it hurt, and how would I feel to have it out there for the entire world to see?

All valid questions I've no answers for.

Will I do this, put it all out there for the world to see?  I'm considering it, but I'm straddling the fence at the moment.

What brought all this on?  Well, like anyone I go into my emails and attempt to clear out the clutter, and in doing so I inevitably find myself staring at older emails, those emails.  Once it's there in front of me... I just can't NOT read them.  Again.  Smart move?  Not sure about that either.  Yet, maybe it's good to remember.

Either way, I read and the lines aren't so blurred anymore.  The edges of the experience become sharper and well-defined, making it easier to see and remember exactly how things were at the time.  No longer am I able to shove the unpleasant into the background.  Again, I'm really not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing to remember.  It all just leaves me feeling.... strange...and wondering if it were all just an illusion, that I was at any point in time free from those experiences.

Are any of us ever really free from the past?